It had to happen…

…I’ve found a beer style that is, in my opinion, impossible to enjoy.

I don’t mention it very often, and this will be news to many readers, but I’m partial to trying a new beer or two over the course of a weekend. I’m not too fond of sours, or beers that have been flavoured with oddball ingredients or too much fruit. I find too much alcohol leaves a burn that is hard to enjoy. An ABV somewhere between 4 and 7.5% is just fine by me. Hops? Yum! Ridiculously hopped? Sometimes yum! At the other end of the spectrum, malty or dark beers are jolly good, particularly in the winter months. Or summer months. Oh ok, spring and fall also.

Springtime? Beer season.

So yes to beer overall, but no to my most recent exploration. I tried the beer in the following photograph, and after the first optimistic sip – new beer = high expectations – thought my beer enjoyment taste buds (the medical term is BETBs, as reported in reputable medical journals) had broken. Cue medical panic. Is there a doctor in the house? A nurse? A nurse with a doctorate? Yes. Dr. Mrs. PC, RN to the rescue. While I tried to communicate through mime (having lost the power of speech due to this “beer” removing the layer of BETBs) Dr. PC took a sip and made a face. The one that said so who didn’t read the tasting notes before purchase?

No, no, no, no, no. And no. I didn’t like this one. No. Not at all. It isn’t beer. It’s a salt shaker. But with more salt. Nope, can’t think of anything positive. Not yum. A BETB killer. Not recommended. Just say no.

Obviously, being incapacitated due to the medical reasons explained above, I was unable to say it was me failing to read the tasting notes. I didn’t know salt water is the primary ingredient in a gose beer. Actually, salt water isn’t the primary ingredient. Salt is. Other ingredients such as water, or hops are mostly an afterthought.

Pleasant distraction

In the interests of public health, and as a safety information service to fellow beer lovers yet to “enjoy” a gose, I’ll say don’t. Don’t bother. Don’t do it. Just say no! That last one always works in public health messaging from governments not prepared to invest in proper health promotion. Best stop that, let’s not go on a rant about public healthcare under certain governments. Anyway, that’s Dr. Mrs. PC’s area of expertise, not mine. I’m better left with making (sometimes bad) beer choices and reacting in a suitably responsible manner when it goes wrong.

Ripple pattern on a beach? Or a photo from a learned medical journal of a tongue with severe BETB damage? I’m not a doctor, but it seems clear to me…

You don’t believe my public health messaging? You think that the gose style is something you could gose for? Ok, on your head and damaged BETBs be it. If you really, really have to try a gose, yet can’t find one anywhere, go to your store cupboard, take out the salt, pour yourself a generous spoonful and start eating. It’ll actually be more pleasant than a gose, a close enough approximation, and you’ll have saved yourself a few pennies and some major disappointment.

Before I go, you’ll be wanting a medical update, because I think I’m right in saying there’s nothing more interesting than an early middle aged person talking about their medical ailments? Fair enough, and thanks for asking – my BETBs have made a full recovery just in time for this weekend. I’ve learned my lesson, and will totally not be trying anything odd sounding or too experimental on the beer front. Oh look, now what’s this?

Oh no, not another generic plum and rosemary saison…(actually, it was yum!)

Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Published by

plaidcamper

I am a would be outdoorsman - that is if I had more time, skills and knowledge. When I can, I love being outdoors, just camping, hiking, snowboarding, xc skiing, snowshoeing, paddling a canoe or trying something new. What I lack in ability, I make up for in enthusiasm and having a go. I'd never really survive for long out there in the wild, but I enjoy pretending I could if I had to...

22 thoughts on “It had to happen…”

  1. Salt water? WTF? I agree, the craft beer market has reached a saturation point in that many brewers are jumping through hoops to one-up each other. IPAs? Kind of sick of them, in that a lot of folks just try to make them hoppier and hoppier. Some taste akin to what I would imagine a mouthful of talcum powder is like. Then there’s the esoteric – “brewed with tamarind, cacao nibs and a note of centipede legs.” I exaggerate only slightly. And as libationists, we are like Captain James T. Kirk: “Our mission: to seek out and explore strange new brews…” Regardless, no matter what beer-tasting wormhole we descend, it’s always Guinness to the rescue. Be safe and be kind to your tastebuds, Adam.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your bound to find a beer you don’t like sooner or later. I’m safe and will always be from these Frankenstein beers as I do not drink any alcohol.
    Besides we get enough salt from our normal diet. Never even heard of this type of beer before?
    Must mean all the good stuff has been discovered and they are searching high and low for something new and improved! Send your review into the company! Maybe they’ll send you a case for target practice?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Wayne! Yes, there are beers I’m less likely to enjoy, like there are coffees and teas (tea, yuck!) I wouldn’t drink, but saltwater beer? It’s gone too far! Apparently, gose is an old German style. Should have stayed in the history books.
      We hope all is well with you!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. “Strange Brew,” sang Cream, and I had to laugh along in agreement with you, and also concurring with Mr. Stanton’s sentiments about the artsy trend in modern suds consumption. I’m all for new adventures in the beer world, but the likes of flavored alcoholic sludge can do serious damage to our BETBs, so it’s good to fall back to some standardized lagers and the likes of bottled Guinness every now & then. I’m glad that you recovered, Adam, and thanks for the warning on this flavor from this “Mayne Island Brewery.”

    Like

    1. Thanks, Walt! I think Bob’s blood pressure might have taken a hit…
      I’m all for beer exploration, but my goodness, this style is not a keeper! If it is gose or Bud, then Bud for me every time.

      Like

    1. I quite enjoyed my beer tasting tantrum! Fortunately, there are many delightful beers out there, and I won’t be making a gose mistake ever again!
      Thanks, Jane, and I hope your weekend is going well.

      Like

  4. Love a review that leaves no doubts and this one was extraordinary!! It managed to define beer season, introduced valuable facts (BETBs) and left no doubt that an expert in the field compiled the tasting notes! So happy to see that you recovered in time for the weekend’s interesting selection. Wonderful photo of the ripple pattern on the beach, even if the caption slightly ruined the moment. Was hoping there wasn’t going to be a Game 7 with the Maple Leafs, but hopefully it will be exciting.

    Like

    1. Well, I could (and often do) have gone on and on with that little beer tasting rant! It was such a terrible beer. Let’s not start…
      Fully recovered, and fell back on an old reliable this weekend, no chances taken!
      Maple Leafs and a game 7? What’s happening out there? I must take a look…
      Thanks – I hope your weekend is bug free and the scary chipmunk is well fed!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I laughed so hard at this. I’m chuckling now, as I type. I guess it did have to happen, though I never would’ve imagined it, knowing how generous you are with your beer tastings and compliments, pc. The BETBs and medical panic with Mrs. PC to the rescue, then the salt rant and then the photos. The “distraction” photo and the severely damaged tongue photo. I was howling. Great fun, and many thanks, my friend. Best to your dr. wife, too.

    Like

    1. Thanks for your comment here, Jet, it made me smile! The Salt Rant (should have been the post title) – I think there’s a short story in there? Not necessarily about a disappointed beer geek losing it – I just liked it when you wrote that!
      Anyway, very happy this gave you a laugh or two. Mrs. PC sends her best!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I will take your advice and avoid this beer.. I use to love trying different beers, then I re found good old Sleeman’s cream ale, and everything else tastes blahs. 😉 cheers

    Like

Leave a Reply to Jane's Heartsong Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s